Speechless
by BornBlue
Summary: Oneshot Lorelai confronts her growing feelings for Luke, but finds that she is unable to confront him. Whenever around Luke, Lorelai becomes remarkably speechless. Java Junkie.


A/N: This is my first fanfic ever, so please, please, please help me. Suggestions are always more than welcome, but please no flames. I need to have enough self confidence to write more stories.

Disclaimer: As much as I wish otherwise, I unfortunately do not own Gilmore Girls. Or even more unfortunately, I don't own Luke and Jess.

Speechless

Every time I see him, clad in flannel and a baseball cap, for a second I become speechless. This is so unusual for me, a woman known for having words constantly rolling out of her mouth. I will never admit the affect he has on me, for I am certain he would use it against me. Rory would too. She may be my daughter, but she is also my best friend and loves to tease me. He is also a great friend, but I cannot stop thinking of him as more.

Whenever I enter the dinner, though, I must ramble on about something, mostly my love of coffee, so I can take my mind off of an even greater love. I love Luke. Wow. I love Luke. I probably have since we became friends sometime during those two first years when I still called him Duke. I ignored it for years, but I now realize the reason he was such a great friend is the same reason I love him. Luke is the perfect man. He is always there for Rory and me, whether it is sustaining our lives with coffee, providing our bottomless stomachs with food, fixing our house, listening to me ramble, or comforting me when I cry. His shoulder is often the one I cry on. I may be embarrassed, but it comforts me to know he is there. It comforts me even if I am complaining about another boyfriend of mine.

All the pro-con lists I have ever made spell out the same thing I have always known in my heart but was too afraid to admit. The whole town tells me that he loves me too, but how could I ever deserve a man like Luke. I know that Rachel and Nicole did not either, but then again, I'm not sure any girl would ever be good enough for Luke. All I want, though, is for Luke to be happy. He means so much to me. Luke is my everything.

I may think of him as my everything, but he is not mine. I think of him as my best friend, my coffee man, my fixer of everything, my diner guy, my Lukey, and even my dream husband and the father of my dream kids, but he is too amazing to be mine. Luke is truly amazing.

If only he knew how happy he makes me by just being there. I love bantering with him, I love annoying him, I love seeing him, I love being with him, I would love hugging him, I would love kissing him, marrying him, having kids with him…oh, where is my mind wandering. Especially lately, I cannot get Luke out of my thoughts. How can I think of kids and marriage when he doesn't even know how I feel?

He probably never will because despite my confident and bubbly exterior, I have many insecurities. They come from growing up in a house where I was never accepted. My parents, especially Emily, always criticized my faults and never complimented my successes. This only became more apparent when I got pregnant at age 16 and ran away the following year. Even they love Rory, but I will always be a disappointment.

I am never a disappointment to Luke. He knows all of my faults, but is somehow still my best friend. He is also always there for the one and only person who is more important to me than him…Rory. I am sure he would die for her, because that is the kind of person he is. He always puts the people he cares about first. He was there for Jess, he is there for Rory, and as much as he hates to admit it, he is there for the town when they need him. Also, he is and always will be there as my friend.

When it comes to Luke, friend is such a constant word. Even if anything were to ever happen, he would still be my best friend. I do want more though. I could never have enough with Luke, and that doesn't scare me.

This is where I know that Luke is different. I have never experienced a lack of fear with a man, and am surprised that I don't want to run. Actually, I am not surprised. This is Luke I am thinking about. He is perfect, and probably "the one" if I could just get enough courage to talk to him. I rarely have troubles talking, but the thought of losing my best friend is he rejects me or if something goes wrong in the relationship to too hard to handle. Even if only as a friend, I need Luke in my life. I could not survive without his constant presence. I will always love Luke, even if from afar, but I like him more.

I think back over the discussion I have just had in my head. I know I shouldn't be talking to myself. Other than the fact that I probably look more crazy than usual, I know I should be telling my feelings to Luke. He has the right to know, and getting this off my chest will help to save the little sanity I possess. I love Luke. I love Luke.

I walk into the diner and when he looks up, his eyes slowly meet mine.

"Luke, I love you."

I snap out of my daydream and wish it could really be that simple, but I know I cannot find the words to say what I need to say. I love Luke, but for now, we will only be together in my head because Luke is the only person who can make me speechless.

A/N: Wow! That just came flying off my fingers. I know this sucks, but writing it was easier than I expected. Please, please, please review and help me to become a better writer. If you do, I will write more. Or if this did suck as much as I think it did, I will know not to. I need constructive criticism and would love to hear whatever else you want to tell me.


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